Cinema Wasteland Report Part 1: Movies

I’m not big on attending fan conventions, but I decided to make an exception for Cinema Wasteland this April. Aside from having dealers tables and opportunities to ask B-movie icons for autographs, the non-stop screenings of trashy movies sounded interesting. The opportunity to see my own fan film, Jason: The Rebirth, with an audience was attractive as well.

So I loaded my car with snacks and old time radio tapes and made the 4 1/2 hour drive to Cleveland. (The trip home was considerably longer, but more on that later.)

After checking in at the hotel, I spent the early evening in the dealers room, which was more enticing than I expected. There were representatives from Anchor Bay, Synapse, Sub Rosa, and Rochester’s own Low Budget Pictures hawking their DVDs. Plus, tons of dealers were selling bootleg videos (how do they get away with it?), books, clothing, and toys. The only fan events I’ve been to in the past have been minor Sci-Fi conventions in Rochester, which had pitiful dealer areas by comparison. I get the feeling that Ohio is a big place for horror fandom, given the amount of similar conventions each year and the “horror host” TV programs broadcast in several Ohio cities.

There were two rooms devoted to screening movies all weekend. Movie Room 1 showed mainly 16mm prints, while the smaller Movie Room 2 showed video projections of films off DVD. I spent most of my time bouncing between these two venues, sampling trashy movies like an all-you-can eat buffet. Some were great, some not-so-great. Here’s an overview:

SHORT FILMS

“Cameo”

A high school student buys a seemingly cursed video camera that kills whomever it films. Like many micro-budget pieces, this short looks like a home movie. However, I loved the comedy that came from the premise. The owner of the camera is at first surprised to see people die in front of his lens. Later, he’s reluctant to turn on the camera, but does it when prodded. It’s funny whenever he sighs and, with a shrug, starts shooting his eager subjects. And what do we see through the viewfinder? Fantasy scenarios brought on by the click of the record button — and the killings get progressively funnier. One subject (the high school principal) is even killed by his own phone.

“Jason: The Rebirth”

My own animated Friday the 13th film played to an audience of about 40 people. I got a good vibe from it, although I got the feeling some would have liked it to be longer, or at least have more plot. What can I say? It’s just meant as a linking tool between movies. A comic book idea brought to video.

“The Dead Don’t Stay That Way”

A zombie/wrestling combo that has lots of brain-eating and body slamming, but that’s about it.

“Killer Cup 2”

I had heard of the ridiculous Killer Cup movies on the internet, and they’re even stranger to watch. It’s amazing how much work has been put into bringing homicidal styrofoam cups to life, using a variety of methods from puppetry to animation. Unfortuately, the story makes almost no sense and the editing could have been a lot tighter. Also, stretching an amusing five minute premise to what was probably 25 plus minutes had me fidgeting in my seat. Read about the making of Killer Cup

“Bloodsucking Hillbillies”
“The Dead and Breakfast”

Dr. Shock, of After Shock Productions, presented these above average shorts. “Bloodsucking Hillbillies” is a tale of 1920s era moonshiners who happen upon a nest of vampires. It’s told as a fable, with sepia-toned photography and over the top comedic performances. “The Dead and Breakfast” is a riff on Motel Hell, where unsuspecting travellers become jerky at the hands of a homicidal hotel clerk. Each short contains scene chewing comic performances which come off a bit grating, but at least they’re focused. What I found really impressive was the look and editing of the productions. You can really tell that these guys know how to write, shoot, and construct a visual story, which puts them miles ahead of most other micro-budget filmmakers. The tone in these really swings from fart joke comedy to suspense and gore, but they carry it off. I’d be interested in seeing some straight horror from these guys, as I think they’ve got what it takes. Creators Lance Otto Smith and Douglas G. Agosti have several DVD productions under their belt, including Tales of Terror, available from Brain Damage Films.

FEATURES

Stawberry Estates

Here’s one I’d read several heard good reviews of online. Directed by Ron Bonk of Sub Rosa Films, this Blair Witch style film was apparently made before Blair Witch. Well, whichever came first doesn’t matter much to me — now that I see how amateurish Strawberry Estates is. The half hour I saw had rambling conversations and forced exposition. From what I’ve read, the climax is frightening, but I didn’t get that far.

Project Valkyrie

I caught the last 20 minutes of this one. Valkyrie’s promotional materials incorporate a comic book look, and that seems appropriate given the comic book style characters. The climax featured monsters and robot warriors battling it out in an old factory. Low budget, but fun. One sequence was a shot for shot parody of the Indiana Jones “flying wing” fistfight from Raiders of the Lost Ark. I don’t believe I’ve ever seen that satired before, and it cracked me up.

Phantasm

Who doesn’t love Phantasm? Special guest Reggie Bannister gave a talk before the show, giving fans an update on all his film work in the last year. He’s become a real go-to actors for low budget horror filmmakers. He knows sometimes the movies are less than great (“It is what it is,” he says) but he loves that independent filmmakers can get out there and get things done. When asked if he had any projects that he’d like to steer into production, he dropped hints about a dream project written by a friend that would involve Andrew Divoff, Ken Foree, and a host of other B-movie greats.

I knew Phantasm would be a fun one to see with an audience, predicting a crowd of fans who had all seen it umpteen times. Surprisingly, I sat in front of a couple who were very confused by the ending. Granted, the psyche-out dream ending doesn’t make any sense, but I could tell from their talk that they hadn’t seen it before. One thing I took away from this screening was how effective the sound design and music are in the flick. I’ve thought this before, but it hit me over the head in a big room with big sound.

Just Before Dawn

This was the unexpected gem of the weekend. From Jeff Lieberman, the director of the killer worm movie Squirm, this 1981 slasher feels familiar, but breaks away from cliche by being bold and suspenseful. The plot sounds derivative: five 20 something kids go camping in the mountains and are attacked by scary inbred hill people. So at times it reminds one of Deliverance, The Hills Have Eyes, and slashers like Friday the 13th. But this stands out from the pack with terrific acting, unusual suspense scenes, and a climax that has to be seen to be believed. The lead actor, Gregg Henry, is one of those guys who you’ve seen in a hundred character roles. (In fact, I saw him in the new show, Eyes, just a few days before.) It’s fascinating to watch his uptight girlfriend release her primal self as the movie progresses. Oh, and George Kennedy plays a forest ranger who loves his horse. Can’t beat that.

Ghoulish Chronicles From Bonejack High: Killer Kellerman Strikes Back

Chris Seaver of Low Budget Pictures makes critic proof movies. They are absolute schlock, but you can’t deny laughing along, especially with an enthusiastic audience. After producing a couple dozen shot on video features, the “Seavage” and his loyal crew have built up a whole catalog of characters. Coming into this movie, I feel like I’m reading a bizarro comic strip. A kind of dirty Bloom County, perhaps. Recurring characters pop in for a scene or two, give their raunchy dialogue, and disappear again.

In this installment, the ghost of Kellerman (an old high school principal?) is back making trouble and the kids have to dispatch him. Along the way they trash talk each other, tell porn related jokes, and take part in simulated sex. The name of the game is to be as offensive as possible, and if you’re offended, you’re a prude. Well, since some of the actors looked too young to get into an R-rated movie, my prudish sensibilites were affected occasionally. LBP features don’t aspire to greatness, just goofy fun. I wonder sometimes how they can legitimately sell their DVDs, because they are chock full of copyrighted music and images.

Nailgun Massacre

Director Terry Lofton introduced his trash masterpiece to a packed room. Maybe the hundreds of people in attendance had heard this was a lost classic. Maybe they were intrigued by the title and premise. Maybe they had all seen it before, and I was the only virgin. In any case, I didn’t know what I was in for while he answered questions about the production of the movie 25 years ago. He addressed the script problems — they started with an 80 page screenplay, threw out 60 pages, and then wrote as they went along. They had location difficulties — a nearby shooting range inspired dialogue about active hunters. (I guess they didn’t think of looping dialogue in later.) Lofton came across as a humble guy who knew the movie wasn’t great art, but was proud of the finished product. When he mentioned his preference for shooting film over video, I understood his feelings about the superior look of film. I was therefore surprised when Nailgun Masscre exhibited no visual style whatsoever — it might as well have been shot on video.

Nailgun Massacre is jaw-droppingly bad. It opens with a rape. Of whom? By whom? We don’t know. Then a bunch of sadistic killings. Who is the killer? Why is he/she disguised? Well, it probably has something to do with the rape. The anonymous killer, who has a voice like a child imitating Darth Vader, makes bad puns, laughs big MWAA HA HA HAAA laughs, then shoots dozens of people with a nailgun. Eventually, the slowest car chase in the world brings the story to an end.

The film has no characters. People are introduced only to be killed two minutes later. There’s a cop and a doctor investigating the murders, but we never see them actually ask any questions, or even approach any suspects. With so many victims, you think you’d see at least one autopsy, but no. In one scene, the doctor reaches out for help by placing a call to the big city. He talks for what seems like forever, explaining the facts of the case, and we never see or hear the fellow at the other end. I guess this was an attempt that the doctor was trying to do SOMETHING to solve the murders. Too bad this big city connection didn’t lead anywhere.

There’s no evidence that the filmmakers understood the concept of exposition, rising tension, and climax. Even the motivation for the murders is pretty fuzzy. First, it’s the construction workers who were involved in the initial rape who get nailed. Later, it seems anyone who mentions a vague interest in someday working construction gets rewarded with horrible death.

Now that I got that out of the way, let me tell you how much fun the audience had, me included. The movie is flat-out hysterical. About 70% of the humor is accidental, via the bad dialogue and acting. There is some genuine deliberate humor, however. The scene where a couple try to get comfortable while making out in the front seat of a car with bucket seats is priceless. The kills are so goofy sometimes that you have to laugh. And there’s a loooooong crying performance from one actress who just wishes her boyfriend hadn’t gone into the woods to die. Academy award material.

Throughout the screening, people were shouting out comments, mocking the movie in a genial way. Once in a while someone would shout something like “Terry, I love it!” and Mr. Lofton would shout back his thanks. Yes, the director knows it’s a camp treat, and he’s happy to see it enjoyed.

Nailgun Massacre has been out on several different labels, but Lofton encouraged people to buy his authorized DVD from Xploited Cinema or wait for the Synapse release later this year. Apparently, other editions are from companies that ripped him off, which is a real shame.

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More to come, including the thrilling drive home!